


God Knows I'll Never Tell

by celedan



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), First Time, Frottage, Idiots in Love, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Virginity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:28:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28459038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celedan/pseuds/celedan
Summary: While in each other's bodies, Crowley and Aziraphale, who have been secretly in love with each other for ages, give in to temptation to touch the beloved body when they are alone for the night. Mortified, they vow to never tell each other.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 49





	God Knows I'll Never Tell

**Author's Note:**

> I borrowed the title from the Buffy musical episode; it's the name of one of the songs.

With a loud gasp, Crowley jerked out of his sleep, rearing up in bed. For a few moments, he sat there, in the dark, panting heavily. His whole body was drenched in sweat, and – he grimaced unhappily – almost painful arousal throbbed between his legs.

With a groan, he dropped back onto the mattress, hiding his face behind his hands in disgruntled shame. 

He had dreamed about the angel. Again. 

Ever since the night after the aborted Armageddon, Crowley couldn't seem to control himself. It was his own fault though, not Aziraphale's. After they had swapped bodies, Aziraphale had spend the night in Crowley's flat and Crowley had stayed at the bookshop to keep up appearances. 

He had been restless, unable to sleep because he was much too nervous. Not just because of whatever the next day may bring but also because he had been so painfully aware that he now wore Aziraphale's face. Not only his face, but his whole body. 

For six thousand years, he had held his attraction to his angelic acquaintance in check. Most of the time, he even forgot it himself because he forcefully pushed his feelings to the farthest corner of his mind and heart in the hope they withered there and died – no such luck though. 

But as he was now faced with this unique situation, all of his feelings had clawed themselves up to the surface again with a vengeance. He had caught his reflection in a mirror in passing, and couldn't help but stop in front of it to look at Aziraphale's face for as long as he wanted without having to fear arousing the angel's suspicion for looking at him for too long. 

From there, it went downhill. Because only looking at the angel's face hadn't been enough any more all of a sudden. 

With a heavy lump in his stomach, combined with hot shame, and a feeling of betraying his friend, Crowley had slowly started disrobing. With every piece of clothing that was pushed aside, with every bit of soft, white skin that was revealed underneath, he had become hotter until he felt as if Hellfire was consuming him from within. He felt himself harden, his arousal skyrocketing with the knowledge that, right now, it wasn't his cock that was filling with blood, slowly lengthening and tightening the front of his trousers but his friend's; the object of a desire that was six millennia old.

Finally completely naked, Crowley had to swallow heavily a couple of times to wet his suddenly parched throat, to no use though. Greedily, he drank in the vision before him in the mirror with huge eyes. He had never seen Aziraphale naked before, no matter where or when on Earth they met over the centuries, no matter the fashion. At the most, he had been granted the sight of bare arms or a peek at naked feet and ankles, a flash of collarbone maybe, but that's it. 

To see Aziraphale's tempting body completely bare for the first time ever now, even if it wasn't really him, was like Christmas and his birthday combined (that was, if he would celebrate Christmas and if he had a birthday). 

Lying there in his bed now, Crowley stared up at the ceiling in the darkness, his serpent eyes able to see every detail if he so wished, but in reality, his gaze was far away. He was back in the bookshop a couple of weeks ago. Back in front of the mirror where he had finally given in to his hidden desires. Crowley's eyes slid shut, and he conjured Aziraphale's naked form up in front of his inner eye in every detail. He recalled how it had felt as he raised trembling hands to start touching the borrowed body. He couldn't turn his gaze away for even one second, his eyes flitting between what his hands were doing when sturdy fingers finally closed around the flushed length, and his face, drinking in the sight of the angel's aroused expression, even if he couldn't be really sure if Aziraphale actually looked like that in the height of passion. Reality would surely be even better, but he, sadly, would probably never know. 

As if on autopilot, Crowley's hands slipped down to find his throbbing cock, moving them in tandem with his past self's. Hungrily, his mind's eye wandered over Aziraphale's body, flushed with arousal and white skin glistening with perspiration.

His breathing sped up, as did his hand flying over his cock, and Crowley finally tumbled over the edge with a loud groan as he recalled how Aziraphale's body had looked when he had come, limbs trembling, face contorted in ecstasy while pearly come shot from his magnificent cock. 

Miracling the mess away, Crowley once more buried his face in his hands, his throaty groan of desperation muffled. 

Blast, what a mess. 

But at least, Aziraphale didn't know what Crowley had done. And the Hell he would do ever telling him.

The loud honking of a car outside snapped Aziraphale out of his daydream. He jerked as if having been electrocuted, and he angrily pressed his lips together as he turned away from the window. Crowley was out of his sight by now anyway, so no use standing there and staring after the demon like a lovesick teenager. 

It was becoming worse. Every time now he met his friend (and they saw each other quite often now that they didn't have to fear being spotted together by their respective superiors), Aziraphale caught himself zooming out as he lost himself in fantasies while staring intently at the demon. 

Once or twice, Crowley had called him out on his peculiar behaviour, the strange look his friend was giving him causing Aziraphale's cheeks to heat with embarrassment. Fortunately Crowley couldn't read his thoughts or look into his mind. He'd surely be scandalised. 

And every time Aziraphale descended into his own little world of fantasies, he was becoming aroused. Until now, he had been able to hide his condition successfully from Crowley, but he feared that, sooner or later, he would slip up. 

He bit his lip, hard, to get a grip on himself. He had to rein himself in badly and very soon. Because loosing Crowley over this... this infatuation he had for him was unthinkable – even if it was an infatuation that was already lasting for several millennia now.

The last straw had been the night they'd swapped bodies. For the first time ever, Aziraphale – overcome with emotion and need to have Crowley's body so close even if it wasn't really him – had given in to his urges. Carefully lying down in Crowley's bed completely naked, feeling like committing a sacrilege, he had slowly let his hands wander over the wiry body he had only imagined in his dreams until now. His eyes had been squeezed shut in the childish notion that it wouldn't be real what he was doing if he only kept them closed. 

The sensation was strange; touching himself, feeling lust running through his veins, but with a strange body underneath his hands. A body he had yearned for now for so long. Running his fingers feather-light over small nipples, a flat stomach and slender but strong thighs, Aziraphale had caved yet again. His eyes snapping open, he had conjured a mirror floating above the bed. A soft gasp tumbled over his lips as he had seen Crowley's body naked and aroused for the first time ever, bronze-coloured skin gleaming golden in the soft yellow light of the small ball of warm light that had appeared together with the mirror. He met bright yellow-golden eyes as he stared up into the mirror, the slitted pupils completely dilated now so that they were only a thin line. 

With his eyes, Aziraphale retraced the path his hands had taken, greedily taking it all in until his gaze finally landed on the flushed penis laying hard and flushed against his thigh. Swallowing heavily, he couldn't help but touch it tentatively, then more firmly. Sparks of pleasure raced through the angel, and he gasped softly. His eyes flitted back up to Crowley's face. The helplessly aroused expression on his friend's face staring back at him, even if he couldn't really be sure that Crowley actually looked like that when aroused (Aziraphale didn't even know what he himself looked like when aroused, after all), almost was his undoing. 

Unbearably hard now, Aziraphale came back into the here and now, and quickly stepped away from the window. Snapping his fingers to turn the key in the front door lock, the angel hurried into the back of the shop. There, he shakily slumped down onto the couch. 

Bad mistake, he quickly realised because he was immediately assaulted by Crowley's enticing scent since the sofa was the demon's customary place when at the book shop. Aziraphale groaned, but nonetheless didn't change seats. Instead, he was assaulted by the memory of lying in Crowley's bed, there surrounded by the demon's scent, too, only much, much stronger than here in the shop. Squirming around, Aziraphale's hands crept down to the front of his trousers as if on autopilot, deftly loosening the fastenings to slip his fingers inside as he lost himself in the memories of those night. Of turning his head for a fraction to deeply breathe in Crowley's scent from his pillow while he still watched from the corner of his eye what his hands were doing between the demon's legs. Of spreading them wide to have more room, one hand slipping further down to cup the full balls while his other hand firmly stroked up and down the hard length. 

Until now, he hadn't given in again to the temptation to touch himself while thinking about that night in Crowley's flat. But now that he had, Aziraphale was assaulted by a myriad of sensations, actual ones and those he vividly recalled in his mind. 

It didn't take long for his innocent body that was so unaccustomed to the pleasures of the flesh to succumb to ecstasy. 

With a loud, broken gasp, Aziraphale wriggled on the sofa, his hips snapping up into the tight tunnel of his fist, and he came violently the same moment his past self did in his memories. 

Panting, he slumped back, and simply laid there for long minutes. He could only imagine how dishevelled and debauched he must look, and he was only too glad that nobody had witnessed his moment of weakness. 

When his brain started rebooting, Aziraphale was overcome with hot shame that quickly washed away every last trace of lingering pleasure. 

What had he done?

He felt as if he had abused Crowley in the most shameful way. Even if his friend would never know, Aziraphale felt bad. He could only hope that he would never slip up and destroy their friendship that way.

Aziraphale was pleasantly sloshed, and he sank deeper into the soft, opulent pillows of his favourite armchair. From under lowered lashes, he watched Crowley who sat sprawled across the sofa, a half-full wineglass dangling from slender fingers. The way he looked so completely relaxed was just so incredibly beautiful that Aziraphale's heart clenched almost painfully.

He had to swallow as his fuzzy gaze strayed down Crowley's willowy body until he stopped between the demon's spread legs. Heat shot into his cheeks, and he quickly averted his eyes. 

Hastily, Aziraphale raised his own glass to his lips and gulped down the red, fruity-sour liquid. Squirming around, he felt himself harden much to his mortification. The pressure of his shame bearing down on him almost suffocated him. It became too much... 

“I can't do this any more!” he suddenly blurted out.

His voice was so loud that both of them flinched, and with wide, startled eyes, Crowley looked in his direction. 

“What?” The demon cocked his head, and slowly put his glass onto the small side table next to him.

Biting his lip until it hurt, Aziraphale looked in Crowley's direction but somewhere to his left, not daring to meet his eyes. Gulping down the rest of his wine, Aziraphale put his glass away, too, so that he now had his hands free to wring them nervously. 

“I've done something despicable, Crowley, and I'm so, so sorry,” he babbled which caused the demon to sit up, a concerned frown between his brows. 

“It can't be that bad, angel,” he tried to reassure Aziraphale, “I don't think that there's anything you could ever do that would still throw me.”

Unwittingly, Aziraphale's hurtful words he had thrown at Crowley the day they had met at the bandstand were suddenly lingering between them like a menacing presence, and only now did Aziraphale really realise how much he had hurt Crowley with his careless exclamations of negating their friendship.

“I masturbated while wearing your body,” he blurted out to quickly cover up the hurtful memory.

Absolute silence descended over the room, the awkwardness of the moment heavy and oppressive.

Crowley's yellow eyes were wide as saucers as he stared at Aziraphale. Swallowing heavily, the angel managed to meet the demon's eyes out of sheer stubbornness.

“Oh,” was the first thing Crowley managed to utter after what seemed like an eternity. His cheeks were a flaming red, and, against his will, Aziraphale wondered if the blush went down over Crowley's chest and maybe even further. Aziraphale sucked in a shocked gasp at his unbidden, impure thoughts.

He started squirming in his seat as Crowley still stared at him aghast, and cold fear started crawling down his back. Had he ruined their friendship now for good?

Finally, Crowley averted his eyes, too, and nervously and flustered cleared his throat. A sheepish laugh bubbled over his lips.

“Funny thing, angel, I did the same.”

Once again, oppressive silence fell over them. 

Aziraphale felt burning heat creep onto his own face, and he almost choked on his own breath. What he eventually managed, together with a feeling of immense relief washing over him, was a soft “Oh” of his own.

Suddenly shy, Aziraphale looked up, and met Crowley's eyes. He read the same wonder and shyness in the demon's eyes, as realisation dawned on them both.

“H-how...” Aziraphale cleared his throat. “How long?”

Crowley swallowed visible, but he still held Aziraphale's wide gaze. “Since the beginning. You?”

“I don't really remember. A long time though.”

A sudden smirk tugged at one corner of Crowley's lips after they stared at each other for the longest time.

“What a pair we are, eh, angel?”

“Yes,” Aziraphale replied, a sheepish, bashful smile brightening his whole face. 

Again, they stared at each other in wonder, sudden warm, comforting peace descending over them.

All of a sudden, both were out of their seats. Crashing together, they sank into a passionate, clumsy kiss, their arms coming up to cling tightly to each other. 

Stumbling backwards, their world suddenly tilted as they tumbled onto the sofa with a grunted “Oof”. 

Aziraphale landed on his back, and when he opened his eyes, he met Crowley's awed gaze as the demon hovered over him, his light weight pleasantly pressing Aziraphale into the sofa with his long legs splayed left and right from Aziraphale's. His eyes wide with wonder, Aziraphale gulped at the intimate proximity, and working up all courage, he loosened his trembling fingers that were buried tightly in the black fabric of Crowley's shirt, and slid them down the demon's back, over his tailbone until he boldly placed his hands onto the demon's sinewy behind. 

Crowley's eyes widened even more as he felt Aziraphale's hands on his buttocks, and, swallowing, felt himself harden rapidly in the confines of his tight trousers at the unexpected but welcoming touch.

Aziraphale gulped as he felt Crowley's answering hardness pressed against his own, and he gave an instinctive little thrust of his hips upwards to press even closer to the demon. A groan was ripped from both beings at the smouldering pleasure that raced through them. Spreading his legs a bit so that Crowley slipped between them, Aziraphale cradled his love tightly in the vee of his thighs. 

Without breaking eye contact, their breathing becoming laboured, both set an instinctive rhythm, their pelvises gently rocking against each other. The friction, even through a couple of layers of clothing, was exquisite. 

But it wasn't enough. Crowley felt as if something was missing. A painful yearning raged inside of him, and following that yearning's call, snapped his fingers. In the next second, their clothes vanished.

Aziraphale cried out as naked skin met naked skin, and Crowley let out a choked noise that quickly died in his throat. 

When they thought the arousal running through them before had been overwhelming, now the sensations were transcendental. Every nerve ending seemed to scream in pleasure in crystal-clear awareness of every single point they touched. 

Gulping in deep breaths, Crowley sped up the thrusting slide of his hips, Aziraphale answering him with firm thrusts upwards that let their members slide together firmly. Sturdy fingers dug deeply into Crowley's ass cheeks the more their mutual pleasure skyrocketed.

An intense, but by now familiar feeling started building up deep in the pit of his stomach like a glowing ember that was growing into a wildfire of pleasure. The feeling grew and grew, and just before it exploded inside of him, Crowley lowered his head to crush his lips to Aziraphale's desperately. 

Aziraphale grunted, the noise stifled by Crowley's mouth, as he felt the light body above him stiffen, and then, wet heat splashing between them. Loosening the clawing death-grip he had on Crowley's buttocks, his hands flew up to wrap firmly around Crowley's shoulders, one hand burying in flaming red hair. That exquisite feeling from a couple of days ago started spreading through him. The thrusts of his hips became jerky and uncoordinated until he finally had to abort them as mind-numbing pleasure exploded inside of him. 

Warm slickness between them caused their lower bodies to easily slide against each other, the sensations of overstimulation almost enough to tear a whimper from both of them.

Crowley pulled back from the kiss, but only a fraction so that their lips still touched, and they shared each other's breath. Almost cross-eyed since their faces were so close, the demon stared Aziraphale in the eye. Peace descended over them and a deep feeling of contentment.

“I love you,” Crowley whispered, overcome with deep emotions. As soon as he had said the words, joy exploded like a kaleidoscope inside him. And when he saw the answering love shining in Aziraphale's blue-grey eyes, warmth suffused his whole being.

“I love you, too,” Aziraphale replied, and he felt so, so happy hearing those words from Crowley. He had never been so happy in his long life.

Giving the demon a gentle smile when he beamed at him after saying the words, Aziraphale craned his neck to press a soft kiss onto Crowley's brow, then applied gentle pressure to pull Crowley's head down so that he could place it onto Aziraphale's shoulder. 

Sighing softly, Crowley only too gladly complied, and snuggled down on to Aziraphale's plush chest. 

While carding his fingers lovingly through Crowley's hair, Aziraphale snapped his fingers with the other, letting a warm blanket appear above them that slowly lowered itself onto their resting bodies.

Unable to resist, Aziraphale, pressed another kiss against Crowley's temple, and with a soft sigh, he closed his eyes.

**End**

**Author's Note:**

> Something brief and sweet for what remains of 2020.  
> Happy New Year!


End file.
